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Hello.

From pain,

art rises.

The Tremor Attack of Birthday Eve

The Tremor Attack of Birthday Eve

It started with my hands. Then my arms. Shoulders, neck and head followed and before I knew it, my whole body was uncontrollably tremoring, twitching and ticking. This has never happened before nor have I been warned by any doctor that this a symptom I should be experiencing. Maybe I can make it go away. I clutch my pen and notebook extra tight and try to ignore the shaking and keep taking notes, but I can’t stop my arms from flying everywhere. My handwriting looks like a kindergartener's. I am getting frustrated. My head is pounding and I’m feeling dizzy. An hour of class went by. Now I’m getting scared. I feel like a crazy old person, and my classmates are starting to stare. Am I having a seizure? Something is not okay. I run outside and call my dad. I can barely hold my phone. I keep accidentally dialing random buttons with my tremoring. He calls my doctor who tells me to leave class immediately to come see her.   The Parkinson’s like tremor I’ve been experiencing gets progressively worse and about two hours in I’m waiting for my dad to pick

me up at school, and kids are staring as they pass me. Some give me an uncomfortable pity smile. I feel like an alien. We see my doctor and she immediately sends me to the ER. It’s the day before my birthday, and I am honestly pretty afraid. At a certain point, I stopped fearing any symptoms or pain I experience and tell myself “Oh, this is just dysautonomia. It's uncomfortable but you’ll be fine.” This was different story that left me with an incredibly unnerving feeling. Before I can catch a breath, the ER nurse jabs my arm with a huge needle filled with the thick, searing liquid of a thousand hot knives. From there on out, I am sky high. The doctor had three faces, I was talking to my pet dinosaur. One minute I was in a CT scan and the next some guy with two faces was trying to pull colorful wires out of my hair. The world was moving through molasses. I’m not sure if I was asleep, or if I was awake most of the night. I’m not really sure what happened at all. A neurologist came in and told me I was experiencing some neuromuscular/neurological problems that could potentially be serious. The test we did there weren’t enough, so I am going back for an MRI. Updates to come. 

In the never ending series of unexpected turns in my illness, it only feels fitting that just when we think we’ve got things figure out, there is another surprise around the corner. One moment I could be sitting in class, and the next sky high hooked up to brain wires in the ER. However, It’s my birthday today!!!!!! And I’m gonna make the most of it!  To anyone out there in the dyautomoia community, have any of you ever experienced similar symptoms? Also want to give a quick shoutout to the nurse in Dr. Woods office who reads my blog… this one’s for you:)

Surrender & Acceptance + My Coping Mechanisms

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